When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

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What was going through the man's head on the 51st floor when the first plane hit? The 52nd floor.

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what can't see and has four eyes? a blind kid born with four eyes

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of its legs is both the same

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Is it not a antijoke? When your granpa uncle or whatever used to pull out basically worthless coins out of your ears? And each time you wanted for him to drag out so many you can actually buy some bubblegum or something, the "stash" you where saving diminishes the moment you receive a new coin? Moral: Dont believe in yourself! Believe in me! Because I believe in you!

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Why did the woman cross the road? Better yet, why is she out of the kitchen

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Why did he chicken cross the road? The suicide rate in chickens has gone up 50% in the past year alone.

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What do you call a Gay leprechaun? A homosexual ginger man with a pretty green outfit.

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Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

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what is the difference between a jew and a boy scout? a boy scout comes home from camp

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RECTUM? Damn near spelled "Wrecked Him" the wrong way!

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A man says to his wife, "Honey, sex just hasn't been the same lately." "That's probably because of my yeast infection," replies his wife.

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What did the dinosaur say to the caveman? Nothing. Dinosaurs were wiped off the earth due to a tragic, world wide extinction about 65 million years ago while small mammals which would eventually evolve into humans survived.

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Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

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What did the horse say to it's owner? It didn't horses can't talk

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Black people are like jelly beans. Nobody likes the black one's.

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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MRLSIXBWBSOVODKSHAIFKQJXIGJNRMWKSJDIVIVKEBWBEBKGKBODJWBEBJRRKFOBPBPDJWVECTNYLLNNIFUDJEBWKSOXOVOFJSBSBDKCKFKTKEBEJDLDOFIDKDJDHDBENSMSKSKSKSKSJDJDJSNRNTNTKDPQPWJSHCHCJDNEBBSJSKC

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? a dead baby in a clown costume!!!

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A guy walks into a bar and falls.

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What's brown and sticky? Feces.

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ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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