How do you rape someone? No, its a question. I don't know the best way to go about this.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats green and has wings? grass, I lied about the wings.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What Did The Ocean Say To The Other Ocean? What? Nothing, They Just Waved. Oh. Did You Sea What I Did There? No. I'm Shore You Did.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? To rape the hen.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your mom is so stupoid she put a piece of paper on the TV and called it paper view!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and gives a heavy sigh. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The guy says, "Nothing."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What's worse than having a terrorist throw a fridge at you? A: World War 5

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the Nun refude to say Thank You Father? Because she was raped by her father as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo mama so short she often has to ask you to retrieve items from the top shelf of her cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call five black me pushing a car? "Very nice young men who helped me when I broke down," according to my grandmother.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops