- Anti Joke

A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

What happens when you cross a porcupine, a beaver, a duck, a go-cart, a dinosaur, a star, a cheap "Big 'n Beey" bathroom, and the cookie monster? Justin Bieber. XD

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son... Because I can empathise with you, and it's not a very nice situation to be in. Hope you work it out.

Why was Joe lying on the ground? Because he got shot.

A homosexual walked into a bar. He orders a beer. When he holds out his credit card, the bartender says, "We do not accept credit." Upon hearing this, the homosexual reaches into his wallet and pulls out five dollars. Because it is legal tender, the bartender takes the money and gives the homosexual the change that is due. The homosexual proceeds to drink the beer. When he is finished, he walks out of the bar. Nobody is aware of his sexual orientation.

One day, a guy wanted to know if all blondes really were dumb. He gathered a stadium full of blondes, picked one out of the blondes and said,"I will ask you a few questions. First, what is 23+12?" The blonde replied,"Uh, 30." The other blondes said,"Give her another chance!" "Alright. Next question. What is 30+30?" Said the inquirer. The blonde answered, "Oh! 300!" "Give her another chance!" The blonde crowd shouted. "Alright but this is the last question. What is 1+1?" The blonde answered, "2." The blonde crowd roared, "Give her another chance!"

what happened to the black man that fell of the bridge? he drowned due to the fact the african-americans do not swim very well.

how do you make a cripple depressed? stairs..

A coyote walks into a bar, because human development has rapidly destroyed his natural habitat. He mauls three patrons.

A blond, brunet, and redhead were stranded on an island. With in a week they all died of starvation.

Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

what does wtf stand for? what? i was asking you!

Rejected Disney titles: - 1,000,000,001 Dalmatians: The Need of Neutering - Beauty and the Bricks - Zambi: the Walking Deer - The Iron King 2: Simba's Ferride - The Little Mormon - Cinderella 4: The Fairy Godfather and his Mafia - Tarzipan of the Choco-Apes - Brother Boar - Home on Deranged - The Emperor's New Sith Apprentice - Mickey and the Mousetrap - Lilo and B**ch

Ask me if im a truck. Are you a truck? Yes.

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

What did the white man say to the group of mexicans when a golf ball was coming toward them? 4!

My mom says hi ............ Jk she says hello

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops