What are you going to get your mom for mothers day? I have two gay dads.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: Why is daddy wrestling mommy? A: Well Jimmy, that is called sexual intercourse. That is how you were created, and many people of all ages engage in this activity every second.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock Who's there? Hello there. I am Elder Young and I with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What would you say if someone were to offer you peace and happiness through all of eternity?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How did the polack burn his hands on the stove? He placed his hands on the hot stove top burners not realizing they were hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What should you say when someone says a bad joke? I'm sorry, your joke cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and don't try again.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Now that we got our colors straight. Hey, how ya doin?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

CAOIMHIN. IVE BEEN DOING MY WORK SINCE IVE STARTED THIS CLASS. YOU'VE STARTED THIS WHOLE THING. I WROTE BIG MAC'S AND THATS IT. SO STFU

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What happened to the boy who crossed the road without looking both ways? He was abducted by aliens.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

One time there was a man walking down the street. Wrong, it is physically impossible to walk down a street, you can only walk along it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was taped to the first one why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it didn't

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Whats cold and frozen? ice

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was persecuted for his faith.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

kieran is a homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops