What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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What did the guy say to helen keller nothing... according to helen keller

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Chickens are not smart enough to open a gate and avoid traffic at the same time!

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Why couldn't Cait walk her dog? She's been paralyzed from the waist down since she was 5 after her and her parents got into a car accident and her parents died.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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How many people were trampled on Black Friday this year? Not enough.

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Think of a number 1-10 Now add 39 Divide that by 20 Subtract two Now close your eyes.. Dark isn't it?

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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Yo mamma's so fat she has her own zip code!!! :) Well... the actual reason is she is filthy rich and her house is so big that it takes up a bunch of room, and now that im talking about her i really wanna be her even though shes fat!

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Jemal picks 3 apples. He eats two of them, and then picks 3 more. What color was Jamal?

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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When life gives you lemons, refrigerate them so they don't go bad.

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i'm an inbred jew - Barras

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What looks like half a loaf of bread. The other half

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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justin bieber walks into a bar, he is then kicked out because he's under age.

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whats worse than getting lost in europe? becoming the middle in the human centipede.

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THAT AWKWARD MOMENT... nuff said

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Whats a joke with no meaning? This one

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops