An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing hide and seek with Dennis Ferguson

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

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Whats worst then getting a paper cut. Being stabbed by a screw driver.

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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman come across a magic slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Englishman slides down screaming "SILVER!", and lands in a heap of silver at the bottom. The Scotsman takes his turn, and shouts "WEEEE!" as he slides down. He gets up and realises what a needless waste of a wish his enjoyment cost him.

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? It didn't, it was in a chicken pen.

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

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Horse.

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What is the difference between a seal and an armadillo? They are both aquatic animals, except for the armadillo.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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What looks like a black book but is actually white? I don't know because it can't look like a black book if it's white.

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What is brown and smells like sh!t Actual sh!t

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What does an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.

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Why didn't little Billy cross the road? He was dead.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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I know that a lot of people don't like morbid jokes, for it isn't everybody's cup of liquidized dead baby.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

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What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reality TV.

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I met a hot girl in the Tampon aisle and i asked if she wanted to hang out in 5-7 days

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops