What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Whatever his name happens to be.

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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Where did little Timmy go when the bomb dropped? Everywhere.

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So these two girls have a cup .

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Two penguins are in the shower. One of them asks if he can have the soap. The other responds, "What am I, a telephone?"

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what did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware river? Get in the boat.

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Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Your face Godammit!!!

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Knock Knock ! Who's there? Jim. Oh come in.

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One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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A baby boy and a baby girl are much alike they both taste good

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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nick walked into macdonalds... everyone stood up and left as they saw the potential danger in the situation.. nick later ended up bieng hit by a bus after chasing a duck

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What do you do to Jewish people? You Challah at them.

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Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

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Q: which is easier to unload a truck of dead babies or a truck of alove babies? A: dead babies cause u can use a pitchfork

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If you have 12 apples and I have 12 ice cubes how many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple because aliens don't wear hats.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops