a man was walking out side to get the news paper what happened next he picked up the newspaper

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Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

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How do you kill a blind man, run over him in slow motion

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What does a person with Alzheimer's do? To get to the other side.

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Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? The chicken doesnt understand the concept of a street so it was most likely just wandering across the street

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Wanna hear a really dirty joke the boy fell in the mud

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What did the Jew say to the black guy? Hey whatsup?

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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What did the teacher say to the other teacher? We are both teachers. -Del Primm

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

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what is worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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Why can't black people swim? Because there are sharks in the lake.

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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why was the boy mad? He had a lot of homework that evening

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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