What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

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2 * 2 * 2 * 3 * 2417

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Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

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What did Dave tell me on Tuesday? "It's Wednesday, dumbass."

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Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch pórn daily.

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A banker makes some poor economic investments with other people's money. turns out the people can never get the money back. the banker walks away like nothing happened. the government does nothing to prosecute the man. Somewhere in there his wife leaves him.

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Why did Bob scream "Nurrrrrrrrr!!"?.....because he was mentally challenged.

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What happen when the man preposed to his girlfriend? He regretted for the rest or his life.

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What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

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Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

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Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

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dont you hate it when your reading something and it doesnt end the way you cactus

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A guy went to McDonalds and asked for a cheeseburger: —Can I have a cheeseburguer? —No

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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what's better than being stabbed in the testicles with a biro? the Silversun Pickup's album Neck of the Woods

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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