I needed to write an article about heart disease so I did some research. I learned a lot.

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What's the best way to get high without doing drugs? Jump.

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In a tangential universe Crispin Glover is the head of scientology

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What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

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Violence is never the answer, its the question... The answer is YES!

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what did the cat say to the potato? meow

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What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Knock Knock Whos there Cameron oh

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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Why did god make women? Because women are equally important when it comes to the birth to maintain or species.

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Why does tundes food suck? Because he is from Africa and the cuisine is different

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Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and an arab walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the arab has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the arab that he's with a swine, and the arab is offended for the poor horse.

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Why shouldn't you download music? Various reasons.

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What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

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How do you make a white girl commit suicide? Bully her.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, Everything's grey, I'm a dog.

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How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get them out of the bowl? You don't, you've already been arrested for multiple cases of infanticide.

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Where is boots, Dora asks Why the hell are you asking me when your the one who is with him.

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Why did the gay guy walk into a straight bar To find the better looking guys

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What's worst than a worm in your apple? Finding your mom in a porno.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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