What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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An alligator walks into a bar. The bar tender calls animal control and calmly escorts everyone out the back door.

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a bridge! That's the least of your problems you've got cancer by ndc

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What's the difference between a black person and a park bench? Benches are inanimate objects while people are indeed carbon-based life forms.

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What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

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What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

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Why did the woman eat her sandwich. She was hungry.

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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So I'm blowing this guy and he starts rubbing his finger through my hair... So I started thinking, what a fag.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She didnt have any arms

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Yes, I did not begin this alone, but things got complicated, you know who Alex Knight is right?

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My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

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Why didn't 6 like 7? Because 7 was a huge racist.

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Why don't Vikings read the New York Times? Because they all died centuries ago. And none of them live in New York.

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pobody's nerfect

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Why was the protester on the floor? Because the protest had become a riot, and police brutality is a serious issue.

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What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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