What is long and painful? It's a sword, get your mind out of the gutter.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your parents shouldn't have met. I was thinking that as I contemplated suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What makes my fourth grade librarian hot? The fact that I set her on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -14

im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your mom is so environmentally conscious, she recycles a great deal.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you kill a Jewish person? Like any other person, they are like any other person of any race and religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

There was once a little boy who started feeling sick. His mother gave him some soup. He died anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Dolly Parton's bobbs are so fake that they both have silicone in them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley, I live next door.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

while having sex, the boy asked, "how many ears do elephants have?" his father answered, "two"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats the similarities between an xbox and michael jackson? there both made of plastic and they both get turned on by children

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances they had to go home early one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the retarded kid get for chrismas? Nothing the orphanage could not afford to give presents to all of the retarded children

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "whered you get the pig?" The guy says, "It's not a pig its a parrot." The bartender says, "i was talking to the parrot."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats something really annoying? A guy who presses enter too much. hehe

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops