how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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What kind of horse can do a backflip? No kind of horse.

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

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What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

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But that just reinforces the negative stereotype that women don't have penises.

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing hide and seek with Dennis Ferguson

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Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??? Because it was dead.....

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a baby in your closet.

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

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Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

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What's green fury has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you. A pool-table

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what do grown up's do at night when everyone lese is asleep? Go to sleep as well

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Jimmy: Knock Knock Nick: Whose there? Jimmy: Joe Nick: Joe Who? Jimmy: Joe Mamma Nick: No shes dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops