What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

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What did the home-less man eat for dinner last night? Nothing.

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How do you scare Sarah Palin? You chase her around with a chainsaw while wearing a Jason mask.

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What's worst then a parking ticket? The plague

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being the worm.

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What makes my fourth grade librarian hot? The fact that I set her on fire

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What do you call a woman between two houses? Her name.

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knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

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What do you call a black person pimping out his bitches? a dog breeder.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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What is white, black and blue all over? A zebra that was assaulted by Chuck Norris.

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whats the similarities between an xbox and michael jackson? there both made of plastic and they both get turned on by children

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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Dolly Parton's bobbs are so fake that they both have silicone in them.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? cancer

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What do you call a one legged , one eyed, canadian fisherman called Samuel Browning? Mr Browning unless you are on friendly terms then Sam is fine.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

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im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

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IKR! and I hear rondo and wade were in a fight too!

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I swear to god it wasnt me Dont swear to go its a sin !

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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