Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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What's the difference between an airplane and a cantaloupe? What? Wow your a dumby head.

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How did Harry potter open the door? He had the key

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A blonde, a Jew, and a black man all went to the store. They each bought their groceries and went home to enjoy the rest of their day with their families.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off, how is he? Well you see, the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off...He's dead. I..um..he's straight up dead. I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell ya.

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What did the bartender say to the three-legged Irishman? What can I get you?

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eat a hot dog

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What's the difference between an Asian bookkeeper and a Jewish dog? This isn't a joke, it's an assignment for school, I need to write a 3 page paper on this. Any ideas?

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why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys something.

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Oh, well if you want, I would like for you to tell her that I wish her good health, suddenly it sounds like I am speaking with spider man here, so you could balance on the top of a tower like a ninja and stuff?

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Well, I feel that I've stepped outside my comfort zone.

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What's the difference between Elmo and Cookie Monster? One of them doesn't listen to Michelle Obama

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Why did the boy fall out of his seat? He was being strangled with a piano wire.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer left the gait open.

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What did the Christian say to the atheist? "Even though we don't share the same beliefs, I think it's great that we can still be good friends."

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NeroChan, I have said nothing to you, that you have not taught me, if nothing else you have indirectly inspired yourself, you will get back on your feet, you just need to take one step at the time, I know how ambitious you are, but you always focused on helping others, hiding, seeing yourself as a sinking ship, trying to help as many as possible before you pass away. We can work trough this together, it is easy to figure out that you are trying to protect others from what you feel that you have become, something that cannot be repaired, something that was never meant to be fixed, but to be used until it had no more to give.

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a cow walked into a bar and asked for a large whiskey on the rocks, 'long day, eh' said the barman, 'yes' replied the cow, 'first a large moving obstical was cutting down my food, and then my friend was raped from his milk.'

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What did the hammer say to the screwdriver? You're a tool

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Impossible, fruits to not have the ability to talk.

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Why did the man throw the baby at the brick wall? I don't know, but that is a tragic incident and I will now go mourn.

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Q: What is harder than cleaning off baby bloodstains off a wall? A: Cleaning multiple baby blood stains off a wall.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops