- Anti Joke

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

What did the Religious Education teacher teach on National Science Day? Religion, because that is the teacher's job.

Why did the boy drop his lolypop Because it tasted bad

what did batman say to robin before they got in the car get in the car

How did little Tommy die? i pushed him into the deep end of the pool

whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimers but at least i do not have Alzheimers

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Jonny Cash. Now we have?

Yanter, Look it up

Why did the airplane crash into the ocean? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

In the movie "Sherlock Holmes". Why is Sherlock Holmes gay???? Because he was chasing "Blackwood".

What happens when you throw a red rock into a purple river? It gets wet...

how do yopu punish helen keller? Ground her, just like you would with any other child.

What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

What happed to the kid who survived cancer? He got hit by a plain.

Dane Cook makes a joke.

What's black, green, and doesn't have to take a shower? I have no idea.

Two stoners walk into a bar. They didn't drive there because they were high and wanted to enjoy a cool, evening stroll.

What did the terrorist do to the small village? Destroy it with a bomb vest.

What has two legs and is red all over? Half a dog.

What is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite.

A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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