I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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When life gives you lemons squeeze them at people then run away.

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Q:Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? A:Because she had no arms.

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What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

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Why did the friendly not play outside? Because they were dead. Just like your dreams.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It lost it's grip on the branch and was unable to break it's fall before reaching the ground.

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What did the black man say to the Jew? Hi.

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A guy wants to build his house out of bricks. So, he hires some experts and they build his house with bricks.

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A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

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What do blind people see when they close one eye? Nothing.

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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Knock Knock Who's There Carly Carly Who Hey I just met you, and this is crazy So here's my number and call me maybe

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Boy 1: What comes after L? Boy 2: Elephant, elbow, elk, elementary, Elliot, Elder Scrolls? Boy 1: No. Boy 2: What is the answer? Boy 1: M

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Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his access to goods and services and his future options from birth.

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Aids, Black People, Cancer, Death, Retarded, Drunk, Sex, Black People, Holocaust, Blackies, White People, BLACK

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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What do you call a man with no eyes? A hero for going to war and surviving being tortured by the Vietnamese.

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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WELCOME TO THE GARLIC BOYS SHOW! So kids, what are we gonna eat today? POTATOES! FUUUUUUU! Moral: You say tomata, I say WROOOOOOOONG, you say cheap I say your mother.

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Two friends are sitting on a couch watching TV. One friend accidently turned on a pornography channel. The other friend felt awkward and went home.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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Why did the blonde fail her science test? Because she spent all day at the hair salon getting her hair died from brown to blonde when she should have spent the time productively studying.

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Look down at your keyboard. Notice that U and I are together? <3 Also notice that J and K are together too!:P

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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