A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

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"Knock knock." "Come in."

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What does "Ford" stand for? Nothing. It's the name of the company founder, not an acronym.

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How do you make a blond cry? You punch her in the face.

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

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What's worst than losing a million dollars? Losing a plane. Whats worst than losing a plane? losing 239 people, a plane and a million dollars

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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What do Alzheimer patients think of the internet. Happy pi day.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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Committing Suicide #YOLO

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Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Why did the Grizzly bear refrain from attacking the hiker? It didn't. The hiker was torn to shreds within minutes.

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a man was walking out side to get the news paper what happened next he picked up the newspaper

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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