Why did the kids put pirahnas in Mr. Hermann's fish tank? So they could eat him.

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what do you call a Nice Nazi A Nazi... He's still a Nazi.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating." The man says "What, why?!" The doctor says "So I can examine you."

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She has no arms.

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What is brown and smells like sh!t Actual sh!t

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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Knock Knock Who's there Kevin Kevin who Kevin your friend dumbass

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What starts with a J, and burned in the oven? My Jumbalaya, i left it in for too long...

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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knock, knock who's there you yoohoo i don't like chocolate milk!

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

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What did Osama Bin Laden Say to Obama when they met? Nothing Osama is Dead

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Ian Watkins was excited to attend the opening of the children's ward at the hospital today. It went well and the day was a success.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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What did the orphan say to his parents? nothing

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her with a knife.

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Why are you gay? Because ***** you

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Why are Indians so bad at football? Curry

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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what did the apple say to the orange? nothing, stupid, apples can't talk

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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