What's a Gigawat? I made it up.

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how do you get a happy man to stop smiling? hit him in the face repeatedly untill he is dead.

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How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

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A homeless man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What will it be?" The homeless man says, "Nothing. I have no money."

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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How do you make someone to shut up You tell them to SHUT UP!

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What happens when you rub two penises together? Gay sex.

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A blonde was taking a Math exam, so she brought her Asian boyfriend with her. It turns out they were going to his father's retirement party afterwards.

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what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

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Only people of high intelligence can laugh at anti jokes.

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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Your mom is so fat she probably has a body mass index of between 25 and 30 which is considered to be "overweight" but paradoxically is associated with fewer health risks by medical professionals.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

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A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

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hey I just met you, and this is crazy. I have alzheimers. Hey i just met you.

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Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

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knock knock... who's there... i dont know i aint got a house

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How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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