A man on his 21st birthday walks into a bar. He orders a piña colada. The bartender then replies "Sorry we do not sell piña coladas here." In disappointment, the man decides to order a different alcoholic drink and later becomes an alchoic for 20 years until he breaks his obsession and remarries his wife and has 5 kids. He then had a great life and died at age 92. He will be missed by his wife and children.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q. Why hasn't LeBron won a ring? A. Throughout his career, he has been placed with incapable teammates, thus leading to unsuccessful results. However, recently, he has been placed with individuals valid pod achieving such a goal.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A man walks into a bar and pulls out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist, which is really just his member with a smiley face drawn on it. Somebody calls the police muttering, "What is this world coming to?"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

like this or you will die at some point in your life

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the house stink? There were decomposing bodies under the floor boards.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call someone like Sarah Palin? A tragic victim of America's flawed educational system. But hey! She learned one thing though! Russia is right in her own backyard! Oh wait that would be wrong unless her backyard stretched all the way across Alaska and the Bering Sea. So she didn't learn anything at all. OK she's just dumb

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A black man walks into a bar and orders a shot. He then precedes to drink it.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Knock knock. Who's there? Ryan. Ryan who? Ryan Seacrest.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side... (other side as in the afterlife, for it committed suicide by crossing the road)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the white man say to the black man? Nice Pants

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How do u kill a horse? U stab it with a huge butcher knife

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why does everyone tell black jokes? Because everyone hates black people.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are Red Your Face Has Turned Blue This Pillow I have Is Smothering You

thumb_up thumb_down -26

why was the little girl crying? Because her family was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man in a gorilla suit with a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad with colours Nice T!ts

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's blue and looks like water? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?? Neither have they...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops