Q. What did the blond say when she woke up? A. I don"t know. I wasn't there.

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What did the pirate say to the ninja? I have aids.

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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why did the chicken cross the road? its a chicken giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

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What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

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knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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Why did grandpa fall asleep naked on a bench? Because his mental condition is slowly deteriorating which is causing him to not be able to properly determine what is and isn't ok to do in public.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Fruit loops.

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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I like my women how I like my coffee; without a penis.

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Why does pavement get hot. Because it’s black. How could you tell she had bruises. Because they were black. Why did the boy drop out of school. Because he was dying of melanoma.

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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How many black people does it take to solve a complex physics equation? Trick question

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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