Why did the woman come out of the kitchen? She didn't.

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What happens when you give a Parrot a pack of cigarettes? Animal Rights Activists get upset and condemn your actions.

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What did the sphinx say to the Minotaur? Nothing, as they are fictional creatures and in according to probable science, don't not exist.

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A priest, a rabbi and Santa walk into a bar. that's a highly coincidental situation.

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You know what's a real drag? A club foot

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Faces like yours belong in the zoo But dont worrie ill be there Not in a cage But laughing at you

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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Why did Susie fall off the monkey bars? She had no arms.

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory that a typical person should or could ever possibly need all in one place.

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There are 3 Chinese guys migrating to the USA, Chu, Bu and Fu. . Chu added a 'ck' to? his name and became Chuck Bu did the same thing and became Buck. Fu got sent back to china

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

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Two fish are in a tank. One asks the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

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Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

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What did the the man, the dog, and the psychiatrist talk about? The man's childhood experience losing his pet as a contributer to his symptoms of psychosis.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some poems have endings

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a T-Rex? Humans are vertebrates belonging to the Mammalia class, chiefly a member of the species Homo sapiens; dinosaurs are chiefly terrestrial, herbivorous or carnivorous reptiles from the extinct orders Saurischia and Ornithischia.

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Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

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Whats green and smells like ass? My ass. I lied about the green..

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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Why doesn't the chicken cross the road Because his dad got ran over by a car when he crossed the road

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A man has a parrot who repeats everything the man says. He constantly complains about his mother-in-law and everytime he says her name it follows with the word bitch. One day she makes a suprise visit and he greets her with a "Oh hello Doris" , he looks in horror to see if the parrot will call her a bitch but instead finds the parrot dead because he forgot to feed it for 4 days.

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An over weight person is diagnosed with anorexia they used to be fatter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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