You no what the biggest lie in history is? Agreeing to the terms and services whenever you sign up for a website

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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What's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies. I'd rather had the porsche in my garage

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Why did I get thumbs up from everyone? Answer: Because they like my anti-joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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So a Mexican a Jew and a Philippino walk across the street What Happened? the border patrol shot them

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What is worse then rain on your wedding day? Getting married.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Trash gets dumped Just like you

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roses are red, violets are blue, open your legs and give me an hour.

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Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

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whats brown and stickey? a brown stick

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What should you never give to your friends as a wedding present? An old plastic bag full of rubbish.

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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A momma tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street, and the baby tomato starts to fall behind. The mother turns to it and says "hurry up."

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I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What do you call two dog? dogs

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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Who can walk on water? Not the guy in the wheelchair.

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I sas Ratzinger a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

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Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

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What do you call a car with no wheels? Trash

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Why did the boy chuck a fridge at the other boy? Because he broke his toy train.

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your know what grinds my gears? when I throw my car into park while going 90 on the highway.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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