Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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What do a lamp and a elephant have in common? Big ears, except for the lamp, it doesn't have ears.

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A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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How many cans does the average alcoholic drink in one night? None. Cans are solid and therefore cannot be drank.

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what do you call a clown in makeup? a clown, clowns are supposed to wear makeup.

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What do you hear when you put your foot on a man's ear? A man saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot.. You racist bastard.

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Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

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how do you call someone? use a phone

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What did Oprah get for christmas? Weight Watchers

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why did the man cross the rode? He didn't he got hit by a bus

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What's black and gets in trouble a lot? A dog with black fur that has not been well trained.

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why didn't the chicken cross the road... because it got hit by a truck

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Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

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Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

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Snake: YES muahaha Eve eat the fruit from the three of wisdom muahahaha! Why do you not share with Adam? Muahahaha! Snake: Why is nothing happening? Then the sky opened and a heavenly voice spoke: "Well as long as none eats fruit from the three of KNOWLEDGE... Hmm, I better get rid of it altogether..." Snake: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

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Why cant the asian find his family? His eyes were too squinty

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Why did the blonde do at the WTC on 9/11? Die.

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hey guys im gay

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Ice cream rules kids are great how thinks of this? Michael Jackson

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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So nobody finds he's been fucking hens.

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So a guy walks up to a gay guy and says: "You are a fag." The gay guy says: "That is very offensive, you jerk." So the guy says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it meant" and the gay guy says: "I accept your apology." Then the gay guy crosses the street and gets hit by a bus

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what do you call a middle-aged man with one blue suede shoe on, purple hair, pink skin, white eyes, no toenails, 67 fingers, 1 eye, a pocket watch, no clothes, and 8978967564567898765432345678765321234568909876543w245678909876543456098765323456-0987654367890-098765435678-09876543456789098765432345678909876543456789098765435678909876543234567898765323456890-987654345678900987654323456890987653234567890765434568909876543456899876543456789098765434568909876545678987654345678987654567898765434567898765478579458765456789876543223456789876543098765432123456898765432678987654230987653-098765434567898765434898765434567898765456787654567876 butt cheeks? bob.

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Q: How did the black man get to the first branch on the tree? A: He climbed, like the average person.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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