Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

What do you call someone who kills a black man? A murderer

Sam murray got home after school one day, he siad hello to his father and possibly played some Avatar on the D.S

A deaf man walks into a bar. A few minutes later, cops come in and takes the poor man into the cop car and takes him downtown to the precinct for booking. Meanwhile, back in the bar the deaf man drinks his beer and converses with the bartender in sign language.

Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

You see this dick stop being a spick now suck on my wee wee u prick

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have PTSD. Time to kill myself.

Why are there so many smiths in the phonebook? Because they all have phones.

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

What is White on Top and Black on bottom? Micheal Jackson.

Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

whats red and green and has 8 wheels. a stick

What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer What did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that far

Me John Kasich! Me win Ohio primary!

Your momma is so dumb that her IQ is 3 standard deviations below that of an average person.

What did the straw say to the other straw? We are both straws just kidding they cant talk

What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

Why did the blonde ask her doctor if she could get a new butt? She is insecure about its appearance and believes reconstructive anus surgery is the only solution.

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

a man rides on his horse to rohde island and back. he rode on Friday and returned on Friday. damn, that's one fat horse

Q: What did the homless man get for chritsmas? A: Frostbite

What did the vibrator say to the condom? Watch, I'll get laid before you do!!!

I walked into a Mcdonald's and ordered a Big Mac. I regretted it later.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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