Why can't you lie to atoms? Because they make up everything!

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Q:what did the 14 year old girl from Tennessee say to her dad when she lost her virginity? A: Get off of me

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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What is the difference between Sarah Jessica Parker and a horse? Sarah Jessica Parker is a human being who is also a very skilled actress A horse is a animal which is usualy kept in a barn

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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What's green and has wheels? The White House. I lied about everything, I'm so sorry.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it ran away and it's coop was on the other side of the road

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? A waste of time because they just be playing soccer

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

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If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Regression.

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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Knock knock. Get out!!

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

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George Washington delivered a short speech to his troops before they crossed the delaware river. Here it is: "Get in the boat."

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A man goes to a gas station to pump gas in his car. After about 7 minutes, he leaves.

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A woman takes a shortcut through a dark alley. She is raped, robbed, and murdered. Her family mourns her death.

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Why isn't the dog a rebublican? Because it's a dog.

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What does two plus two equal? 4

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Why did the black man jump high? He was on a pogo stick

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What did the boy say to the girl? I like you hi.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops