What happens when your first name is Newton? You get nicknamed NEWT

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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how do you make a quiet person talk? you water-board them

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according to the ewspickle, it is Dumbledore's favorite food.

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What's worse than r-a-p-e? Gang r-a-p-e.

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knock knock who's there? A worm, your dead in a coffin.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was convicted of murder and rape

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You're so sweet I have diabetes

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why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

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There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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So Superman walks into a bar right, WRONG, Superman flies into bar

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why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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How many mentally challenged beings does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well one couldn't do it so adding more to the equation will only make it worse sir.

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what do you get when you have an albino black man, a lesbian middle eastern siamese twin of the female gender, a polygamist indian and a jewish native american? A very cultured and diversified posse of hostages. Take your pick.

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Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

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Q: Why are black people black? A: Cause they're from Africa.

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how do you make a baby cry? put a nail through its foot

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A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. Humanity is no more. Nature reclaims the Earth.

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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What's black an blue and doesn't like sex? The 8year old in my trunk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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