Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

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how do you drown a blonde in a kitty pool? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom

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Why did the pot-head have red eyes? He got soap in them.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven. By darragh Hamilton

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Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause Magic Johnson has AIDS

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If a black person gets a tan, what do you get? A burned black sausage.

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Why can't white kids say the "F" word? Because they'll get soap in their mouths Why can't black kids say the "F" word? Because they'll get a beating until their butts turn black and blue and they'll start crying in pain

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How do you stop a baby crying? You don't. Just walk away.

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If there are anti jokes why are there no uncle jokes?

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matt is fat

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How does Fred drink his milk? -computer

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Happy Monday!

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why did no one like Ashley? because she was a bitch!

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What is black, can fly and sing? R. Kelly.. "I believe I can fly"

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A man walks into a bar. He realizes that he would need a designated driver if he would want to return home safely. So he then leaves.

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Why did the stop sign run a red light? Because it couldn't see its face...

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what happened at the end of the korean marley and me? dinner

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Why did a blond killed herself? She couldnt find a corner in a round room.

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Did you hear about the man who lost his right arm and left leg... He's ok now he's all right.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops