What's green, has 4 legs and can kill you if lands on your head? a pool table.

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How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? If you're lucky some of his or hair will have fallen out and be left on the keyboard as evidence.

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How many unicorns does it take to change a light bulb? 17. 11 if its Tuesday.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? Moo

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whats more embarissing rhan being raped by a squirel? Being a 40 year old virgin working at mcdonalds

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One walrus says to the other, "Why are you shaking like that?" The other walrus says, " I've been addicted to ectasy for three years. It's ruining my life."

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What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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A man is sleeping and is woken up. What does he say? Why did you wake me up

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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Why did the woman stop making a sandwich for her husband? Because he's dead.

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When life gives you lemons you make orange juice so people will say "How the hell did you do that?"

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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women and girls can really get enjoyment out of sex. it's not really about controlling the man.

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What's white and horny? A unicorn

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? - "Get down"

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

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knock knock

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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Have you ever had a traditional Ethiopian Dinner? Neither have they.

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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What's white and red all over? A white guy who walked in the ghetto.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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