how do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down

what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

thumb_up thumb_down

If I was a backstabber, you would have been dead already, without me having anything to do with it in the first place, listen, we cannot change the world, those that control the media, control the world. And our role was the opposite, we wanted people to find their individual selves and put their talents for use for themselves and us, today the media tells people who they are, what they like, and what to eat and wear. None of us can do this, point zero is gone, its simply a matter of time, but if you want to try, I can do what I can, in hopes of delaying the inevitable.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a chicken and a 3 legged dog? There are numerous differences. I will not however go into the biological explanations of these differences.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was six afraid of seven? Because chad makes babies cry.

thumb_up thumb_down

A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

thumb_up thumb_down

-Knock Knock? -Who's There? -David Baxter. -David Baxter Who? -Wha- What? What do you mean "David Baxter who?" We were best friends in high school. YOU WERE THE BEST MAN AT MY WEDDING!! *David Baxter proceeds to cry, as he doesn't know of his dear friend's Alzheimer's disease*

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the man die when he saw the light? It was a strobe light and he died from an epileptic seizure

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why was the man eating his foot? A: Because he was a part of the circus.

thumb_up thumb_down

why was the tricycle lonely? the mom back over the kid in the driveway.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

thumb_up thumb_down

A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

thumb_up thumb_down

A black man approaches a customer service desk and asks for help. He is racially discriminated and receives no help with his problem.

thumb_up thumb_down

knock knock who's there greg greg who greg is crying because his grandma dementia made her forgot all about him

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

thumb_up thumb_down

A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down

Your mom is so stupid that she was unable to make it into the college of her choice.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you make a Flamingo cry? Hit it with a sledgehammer.

thumb_up thumb_down

PS3 has the exerrent technorogy and finersse to make excerrent gaming such as... ...ITS RIDGE RACER! RIIIIIIIIIDGE RACEEEEEEEEEEEER!

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are yellow, Violets are purple, im not color blind you just cant read.

thumb_up thumb_down

why was 6 afraid of 7? because seven is a murdering sociopath

thumb_up thumb_down

A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops