What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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Yo mama is so fat she has a gym membership and a diet plan to lose weight

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Roses are red Violets are blue Theres a crazy ass alpaca ready to take a shit on you

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1 I've been diagnosed with-- 2 I don't give a f*ck, go die in a hole!

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Q: What's the difference between a grasshopper and pencil? A: Lots

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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A bear eats some honey. I'm not really sure why and I've never seen a bear eat honey in real life so I don't really know if the bear actually ate any.

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What did the Albino say to the other albino? Due to heredity and our inheritance of Chromosomes causing albinism, We could be displaced in society but luckily, we have eachother. They went home and lived happily. But not ever after. That craps or normal people. (freaking albinos...)

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I want to make a lamp shade out of your skin, because you light up my life.

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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How do u kill a black man You don't or else u will get intouble for murder but u can if u want there r many ways

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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Why was the Jewish man celebrating cinco de mayo? Because he likes other cultures and Mexican food Except pork

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Why little Susie often molested as a child? She was probably a good-looking child.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a canoe? Canoes weren't killed by Hitler

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what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

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what's the worst lie in the universe? I swear to god that was my last piece of gum

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what did the sock say to the shoe? Get your tongue off me.

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What do you call a Simon with no arms and legs? Simon

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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How many times have I said the word shingles? twelve.

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your so homosexual you go to a gay bar every couple of weeks so you get the social acceptance you need.

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99% of teenagers would cry if they saw justin bieber on the top of a skyscraper, about to jump. However, there is 1% who would be sitting in a lawn chair at the bottom screaming, DO A BACKFLIP!!!

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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