Mommy, why did daddy leave? Because you touch yourself at night sweetie.

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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A man and a bird are on the edge of a cliff. The man falls off and dies and the bird flies away because birds can fly and people can't.

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One time i was sitting down

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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What do Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson have in common? The same first name.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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What's the difference between Tom and Jerry? One is a cat, and the other is a mouse.

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wanna hear a joke? womans rights

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CALLER: Is your refrigerator running? OWNER: Yes, it's working just fine.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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What did the farmer say when the potatoes were ready for harvest? The potatoes are ready for harvest.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why do black people like Black Friday? They can get fairly expensive appliances for a very reasonable price.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

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Q: How many Babies does it take to paint a garage? A: babies do not have good motor skills therefore, they can not hold a paint brush.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops