Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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What do you say to a man who just gave you a million dollars. thank you

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What did the pear tree say to the farmer? Go harvest that corn over yonder.

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Why did the donkey say "Shit sorry I had no idea" Because the batteries shouted: "Nobody told me about your actions here, sorry for the terrible coding format, I am new"

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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We are unhappy, unfilled because we cannot complete our dream, it is always about us, then again, is wanting the best for others being selfish?

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What's the difference between a sewer pipe and a French fry? A lot

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It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave

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Why was john's balls itchy? Because he recently gained a severe infestation of pubic lice.

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Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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What do you call a black man? A normal human being

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why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

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what will you do if you become a ruler of the world? Waking up, its just a dream GET REAL!

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Why were you in an igloo? I don't know, why were you?

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Why to lawyers wear neckties? It's part of the uniform.

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Friends are just like trees. They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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Why did the chIcken cross the road? To escape the holocaust.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are polemicists.

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(sniff) (sniff) It smells like gross diarrhea in here... (sniff) (sniff) ... Yeah it does

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WHO'S YO DADDY? the man who's semen combined with your mother's egg to create a child.

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Why the kid can't get off the water? Because your feet is on his head

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Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

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What happen when Sarah made but her nose in other people's business? Her vagina got set on fire by cole and derrek shoved your head up his ass!

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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops