What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Knock Knock Who did that?

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Q: what did the dog say to the cat? A: nothing dogs can't talk

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile Get in the batmobile

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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- Knock, knock. -- How many dead babies does it take to cross the street and walk into a bar? - That's an odd question to ask to a visitor. -- Your mom.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, He cracked his skull and died on impact. He will be missed.

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A man invites his Irish friend to his house. "Would you like something to drink?" the man asks. "Just kidding, we don't have any drinks." Later, they die of dehydration.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Why does the Taliban forbid people from having sex standing up? It might lead to dancing. And then, of course, death.

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Why did the cookie shader Because someone dropped it

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WHY DONT WE HAVE BOTH?

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AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

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What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

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A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Why did the man run away from the cat? He was allergic

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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You know why they call me Scuba Steve? Because I Scuba Dive.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they've may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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