How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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So two people have conversation Luke: Hi Logan: Hi Snake eyes: ALHSKjagjdaoggj;jdjg;aj;kaj'dgajd Luke: You are so smart! (you retarted piece of poo) Logan: GAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBEEEEEEN

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Why didn't the plane crash... because of the wight male piloting it

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Whats worse than Lindsey Lohans vagina? Nothing.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because no cars were coming.

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Chris. Chris who? Wow, I thought we were better friends than that.

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What did the man say before he got stabbed? What are you going to do, stab me?

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How did i get from Pakistan to Iraq Iran

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knock knock whose there? banana? banana who? im sorry but you have to go to the doctor now.......

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Why did the black man get arrested? He didn't pay child support for his 12 bastard children

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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