What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

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Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

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How do you get a blonde to stop talking? Hit her in the head with a brick.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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Have you ever had Ugandan food? Neither have they.

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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Ian Watkins was excited to attend the opening of the children's ward at the hospital today. It went well and the day was a success.

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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Tom: Knock knock! Guy: Who's there? Tom: Carrot. Guy: Impossible.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Wanna buy some meth.

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Who is that? That is my daughter, She likes climbing trees.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because the light was red!

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops