-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who are we kidding, when have you ever seen a chicken crossing a road?

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roses are red, violets are blue, poems are stupid, refridgerator

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You know what? SCREW YOU!

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What's big and white and wilbkill you if it falls from a tree? My dick.

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What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane? A pilot, what did you think it was? F**king Racist dumbass

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abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

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Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartenders asks "Why the long face?"

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How many black basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're all rather tall therefore they can reach the light source with ease.

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What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

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An American, an Irish man, a Chinese man and a Black man walk in to a Bar, the Bartender takes their order

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What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

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Let's get some comments on this one! Everyone add a comment with a quote from a movie! I'll thumbs-up the best comments!

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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two penguins are hanging out in Antartica. the one looks to the other an says "man its really cold out" the other quicky waddles away because of the strange alien sound its friend just made

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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whats the difference between a frog and a toad ones a frog

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A: This question has many different possible answers due to the range of sizes and shapes of bath tubs available on the market, and also depending on the size of the baby in question. It is therefore only possible to give a specific example.

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Why is it OK to make fun of a deaf person? Because they can't hear.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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how did hitler lure the jews onto trains to concentration camps? he told them he hid a penny in one of the cars

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The horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?" the horse looks at him and says, "my wife just died."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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