What do you get when you combine lemons, sugar and water? Lemons, sugar, and water

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What did the boyfriend give his girlfriend for Valentine's Day? AIDS

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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What happened to the old man at his suprise party? He died from the shock.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting a handjob from Edward scissor hands

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Hello! I am Harry Potter, and i will be teaching you pottery today! Yes, call me Mr. Pottery!

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Her doctor told her that if she didn't start watching her cholesterol she might suffer from heart related illness in the near future.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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rarw

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt it got hit by a truck before it got to the other side.

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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why did the little girl scream?She was afraid of clowns and hated small cars running around a tent at 6 o'clock at night

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your brother so fine that hes skinney

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What's brown and smells like poo? Poo.

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What does a black guy get for Christmas? your bike.

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Roses are reb, Violets are dlue, Forgive my spelling, I'm byslexic.

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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why does the room smell bad? because there's a dead body under the bed

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hey! have you seen that clown at Walmart that hides from gay people?

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How do you shock thomas eddison? Attatch his kite to his balls.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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what do you wear at a funeral? white. lol jk black

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Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

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What's white and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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