- Anti Joke

why did the baby fall out of the crib? it was dead

whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

A man walks into a bar. He buys something.

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

Want to hear an urban legend? There's a straight feminist.

Why didn't the woman cross the road? She died from breast cancer.

A little boy is going to school when he is stopped by a stranger. The stranger tells the little boy, when his teacher asks him why he is late, just say willytop. The boy looks at the stranger oddly, but proceeds to go to school. He arrives 5 minutes late, and is teacher isn't that happy. His teacher asks him why he is late. All the boy says is Willytop. The teacher looks at him horrified, and sends him to the office. Well, the boy arrives in the principals office, and the principal asks him why he was sent down. All the boy said was Willtop. The Principal was so horrified that he expelled the boy from school. Well, the boy went home, to find his parents in the living. They told the boy they knew he was expelled, but they wanted to know why. All the boy said was Willytop. The parents were so horrified by this that they kicked him out of the house. Well, the boy is now walking to dark town streets, when he is stopped by a cop. The cop asks him why he is walking the streets alone. All the boy says is Willytop. The cop is so disgusted, that he kicks the boy out of town. Well, the boy is now sitting in a bar, and the bartender asks him why he is alone. All the boy said was Willytop. The bartender looked at him horrified, but before the bartender could say anything, the boy says "Please sir, I was kicked out of school, my house and even my hometown because of willytop. what does it mean sir?" The bartender nods, and tells the boy to come with him across the street, because if he tells him in the bar, the other people may get mad. Well, the boy and the bartender are across the street from the bar. The bartender opens his mouth, but before he could speak, a drunk driver hits them both.

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest for drug trafficking and possession of illegal firearms. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say...

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

What happened to the white man who beat up the black man? He was arrested for assault and battery. What happened to the black man who beat up the white man? He was also arrested for assault and battery. Their races have no superiority to the law.

Q. want to hear the biggest lie in the world ? A. sure A.I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

How do you make a clown cry? Hit him with a chair then rape his children

Why can't a blonde swim? Because in this economy her parents never took her to a pool in which she could get swimming lessons and practice to be able to be a good or maybe great swimmer.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

What do you call a rapist who uses condoms and excessive lubricant? A Rapist.

How do you get a Jew into a car? Tell him to get i the car.

What do you call someone who puts one number on here as a joke? Someone with no life.

A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

Q:Why are dinosaurs extinct? A:Well there are two reasons the first being a giant meteor struck the earth killing all the dinosaurs. The other reason you touch yourself at night.

Type better antijokes above

Why did the orange put on the sun block? Because it was afraid of turning into a TAN-gerine!

Why was the black kid at school? Because he wanted to receive an education.

I have two coins in my hand that add up to 30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel. I accidentally dropped them.

When Glenn looks in the mirror all he sees is Nicole Sipes.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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