One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose fell on your head." ..."MMMBBWWAAAAAGGGHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Eliza eh? Of you I do not know but at least you used the correct code yourself, I suppose Nero7 kept your existence hidden from most of us for a reason. This "point Zero" is no more, about time people got out of the fucking north pole anyways, he was buried there, as his identity and existence is better off kept secret from the outside world for reasons many, none the less because if he is found and identified, undesired company might track whatever loose threads he might have left, straight back to us and we are not exactly operating within the parameters of... Legality anymore. Listen, if you want to know more give me the code straight out (I could not care less about deciphering shit right now and we are leaving horseshit network anyways) And I will tell you what Major6 knows, because as far as the screams roaming these halls can tell, he is still alive, you just better be fast, my men and women are not exactly experts at keeping these people alive... Yet, but enough idle chitchat. If you are who you claim to be, you should have the code I need, bring it, and I will present you with the neccesary information... ...Fail to do so, and I suggest that you never address any of us again fair lady, while we can simply not be tracked down, the security here is... Do I need to say? Neo-Nero.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: why did timmy fall over? A: he was hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down -36

So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and they cut his head off

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

thumb_up thumb_down +61

What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up

thumb_up thumb_down +51

A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Knock Knock Who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave's crying because his grandmother has alltimers and now can't remember his name

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

A man walks into a bar. He's blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did Hitler smell the flower? Chicken dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, nice tits

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down +41

You are the third derivative of the position function.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

why do women have small feet. so they can stand closer to the sink

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man walks into a bar and only gets a glass of water due to the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What is a chinese person in your house? A human being

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's the difference between roast soup and pea beef? Nothing because neither of them are physically possible; you can't roast soup and you can't pee beef

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a contraption made of a wooden rod attached to three strings attached to three rocks? A completely useless and pointless invention.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops