What happened to the cat How should I know it's not my cat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a cereal killing homeless man? Roofless

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you amuse a blonde? ? tell her to go to antijokes.com ( :

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a duck walked into the 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and told the man at the register, "put it on my bill". But the man behind the counter was Indian, and could not understand what the duck was saying. The duck then walked out confused, wondering why he was buying a slurpee in the first place

thumb_up thumb_down

is this love , is this love , is this love , that im feeling , no bob im afraid its cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down

Brian: farts RJ: Who farted? Brian: Idk Why? Rj: Smells like sweet ass back here

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

if u r not my friend, like this joke

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man walked into a bar. He said "ow".

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How Many Friends Did The Ginger Kid Have? None.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a predator and crossing the road led it away from it's pursuer.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A girl walks into a bar. She's a lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q:What type of cheese isn't yours? A:NACHO CHEESE!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: Why did the cookie go to the dentist? A: Because he was dying of brain cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Police. Your mom is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what's black, white, and red all over? any red object

thumb_up thumb_down -22

if this joke was a potato, it would be a good potato

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Whats the worst thing that happened in the holocaust? it ended

thumb_up thumb_down -36

A duck walked up to a bad hearing drug dealer, and dealer asked duck, "What you do want?" A duck said, "Quack!" So dealer gave duck a crack

thumb_up thumb_down -44

knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was tomato...

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops