Why is five afraid of six? Because six seven eight. (Note: The language of numbers is Subject-Object-Verb, rather than Subject-Verb-Object like English.)

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Pain Olympics.

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Roses are red My name is Dave This poem makes no sense And it doesn't rhyme either

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What is long hard and woody? A tree.

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What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? A holocaust in which all the Jews are raped by giant scorpions, and then killed.

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A cat jumped into a swimming pool It drowned and was cremated.

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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Knock knock. Who's there? To To Who? To Whom.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips can be of multiple colors.

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Why didn't Jenny's mom give her any Christmas presents? She was a selfish, mean, woman and didn't care about her children.

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Knock knock Who's there? Owl Owl who? Owl Johnson, your neighbor. Oh hi Owl, please come in.

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Why do chickens have feathers? Because chickens are birds and birds have feathers.

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What did the little orphan girl get for christmas? nothing her parents are dead

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Why did the german killed the jew? Because he was nazi.

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A young boy is crying in the park, when priest walks up to him -What's the matter son? -My parents died in a horrible car accident 2 weeks ago and now i'm held in an abusive household.

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Why did Samuel drive his car into a tree? Because the tree was being a total jerk, blocking the road.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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What do pebbles and Batman have in common. They're both pebbles. Except Batman.

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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Chuck Norris and Bane recently had a fight on a bet. The result was Bane won easily as he is the much bigger and stronger man, and Chuck Norris lacks the skills he once possessed as a younger man as he is now 72 years old.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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