Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What happened to the boy with cancer? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between marmalade and jam?... you can't marmalade your dick down a girls throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: How many Jewish people can fit in a four door sedan? A: 4, or possibly 5, depending on the sedan's optional seating, and depending on whether the gentleman are comfortable enough with each other to scoot closer to allow a 5th friend to join in.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was the little girl not allowed to see the pirate movie? It was sold out.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between a statue and a real human? The statue can't run if the birds shit on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How much does a dead battery cost? Nothing, it's free of charge.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the black man eat at a picnic? I don't know, I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

4 gay men walked into a bar. it was a gay bar. all 4 men had a good time

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A black man walks into a bar in an all white neighborhood. He has a couple of drinks, pays for them, and politely calls a taxi for a ride home.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What does a black guy get for Christmas? your bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's brown and red? I lied about the red, it's dirt.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's smelly and Dirty? Someone who hasn't shower in a reasonably long time.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why were 5 tall white guys sitting on a bench? They were in the NBA

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats the differnce between madalin macan and batman?...batman returns

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops