A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

thumb_up thumb_down -15

An Irish man, Scots man and a Welsh man walk into a bar. The barman says, "what is this some kind of joke?!" Peter, who lives in Cardiff, returned home, depressed that he is viewed as some sort of clown. It reminded him of when he was a school boy; a giant spot appeared on his nose. The kids just laughed at him. "Don't worry Peter" he said to himself, "It will all be over now... He later hung himself. His family have been informed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Do you know what killed the cat? Feline AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a white man without a face? Dead. What do you call a black man without a head? Negger.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the man say to the butterfly? To the butterfly? Nothing. He was probably talking to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the teenage boy do when his mum was out shopping? Finish his homework.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did the black, asian and jew have in common? Believe it or not, they all liked cantoulope.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

my ilkshake brings all the boys in the yard. and the local health inspector's like , have you got a permit to be selling dairy beverages from a home based business?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is veiny, turns hard, and has a tip at the end? The male genitalia used as a reproductive organ mainly in sexual intercourse known as a Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a baby, once on concrete and once on hardwood

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Dwight Howard

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Huffing glue only becomes a problem when you get stuck on it

thumb_up thumb_down -15

this is madness! Madness? no, nevah... THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!! NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The only time when white and black are together When I've just taken a shit! ?ttis

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Sarah Palin's political campaign

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops