roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimer whats a rose?

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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So I'm balls deep in this 9 year old...

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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What do you call an asian jumping off of a building? A suicide victim.

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

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So yesterday i walked into a bar, so what?

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What do the NRA and PETA have in common? Both are prominent interest groups from whom political candidates try to obtain votes.

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Why couldnt the girl braid her hair? She had cancer

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Why did the man scream when his dog ran into the room? Because he was afraid of dogs.

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VITAMIN C!

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Skeletons neither have muscles nor brains to control any muscles and therefor cannot transport themselves across a road or any stretch of land for that matter.

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You wanna know who else messes around a lot? My mom. Do you know who else has the best tacos in town? My mom. Do you know who else doesn't have time for this? My mom. She's a very busy woman; dealing with matters you'd expect a recently divorced mother would have to carry on her shoulders.

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What's brown and smells of chocolate? Chocolate or something dipped in chocolate but that might also smell of something else - like bananas.

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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Why was the black family eating KFC? Because KFC tastes very nice and there was a discount on the family bucket.

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WHATS A GREAT RAVE TUNE KANE !!!!! TUCKER !!!!!!!! DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's the difference between you and a bucket full of shit? The bucket...

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No, Sarah. You know your hooks scratch the keys.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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