I tried to play soccer a long time ago. I didn't score and managed to get red card... Then I realized it was not my thing

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Did you know that there is a species of rodent capable of jumping higher than an average three-story building? This is due to its muscular hind legs and the fact that the average three-story building cannot jump.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

thumb_up thumb_down -22

wanna hear a joke? i dont like kids wanna hear a lie? im typing with two hands wanna hear a another? my hand isnt on my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did they choose Madonna to perform in the halftime show? Because she might die soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats the difference between a black bird and a white bird? Their colour

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" The man replies "Surprise me." The bartender proceeds to mix cyanide with the mans drink and loses his bartending license and goes to prison for murdering a customer.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How did little jimmy survive the plane crash? He ate all the survivors, then when the helicopter arrived he ate them too and took the helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the chicken cross the road? It tried. The chicken was run over by a distracted driver. The chicken turned out to be Farmer Brendan's prized egg hen who wandered away. The hen provided a large portion of Brendan's income and living. The farmer, deprived of his vital income source, was forced to sell his farm and live on the city streets.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! Cant we just dine at McDonalds? ITS THE SAME THING! Moral: Personally I love the taste of cardboard meat...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A girl hands her boyfriend her phone and says it's his dad. He throws it on the ground exclaiming, "My dad's not a phone, duh!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A dyslexic athiest..."'There is no Dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why was the man like a chimp? Because they are 96% genetically identical.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what's worse than stubbing your toe on cement being a Jew during the holcaust

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

thumb_up thumb_down -22

a man walks into a bar he suffer's bad injuries by Mad

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Because it got hit by a Fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Yo mom is so stinky that when she gets in a room every one leaves the room

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: Why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: Because he was hit by a bus, and then was raped violently. He is currently undergoing psychotherapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops