Q. What goes "ninety-nine CLUMP, ninety-nine CLUMP, ninety-nine CLUMP"? A. Nothing does.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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There are 3 types of people, those that can count and those who can not.

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I like my women how i like my coffee. Without a penis.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a terrible ship crash that leaves them stranded on a desert island. All of their survival supplies sank with the boat so they don't last very long.

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Yo Mama is so stupid, she believes in God. While her faith has absolutely nothing to do with her intelligence and in 2014 only the most bigoted and stupid people would demean people based on their religion,she does have an IQ of 65 and is therefore believed to be mentally inadequate. It's really quite sad.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar. The bartender says " What are you drinking?"

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I was chatting to a woman in a bar, when the subject of kids came up. I said, "My son has had to wear nappies for his entire life." "That's awful," she said, "what's wrong with him?" I replied, "Nothing. He's two and a half."

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what did the clock say to the other clock? .. were both lawyers!

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* How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? * He just need to go to the Register Office and change his name to "a man"

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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What does one call black men pushing a car up a hill? Black Car. What does one call white men pushing a car up a hill? White Car. What does one call Mexicans pushing a car up a hill? Grand Theft Auto

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Warning: Legit Joke Below What is the difference between an elevator and a Mexican? Only one can raise a child.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have cancer, Herp Derp

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knock knock whos there **gunshot ...man that gun show next door is annoying

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Presents.

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what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

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The Holocaust is worse than any number of bee stings. Unless, of course, bees separated people of certain ethnic backgrounds from their families and killed them off bit by bit by stinging them.

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wormly wormly sat on the worm theworm said wormly and went to warmly

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What's black and white and red all over? Michael Jackson after his operation.

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What do they call Chinese food in China? Food

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How many dead babies can you fit a bathtub??? It depends on how you slice them!

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What do you call a seedless pumpkin? A pumpkin.

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Whatever you do in life, give 100%… unless you’re giving blood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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