Why was the Jew sad Because it was Christmas.

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There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

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Billy was taking a stroll in the forest, when suddenly he met a bear. Billy remember what his father had taught him, and quikly lied down on the ground, pretending to be dead. The bear started licking Billy's face. Still he remained calm. The bear bit off Billys finger. Still he did not move. When the bear ate Billy's foot, he nearly panicked. But thinking of his wife and children he mustered his last remaining strenght, and did not move a muscle. If he tried to run or fight the bear he would surely die and never see them again. Then the bear ate Billys head.

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Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because without the aid of various ligaments and muscles that would be attached to the average human being's skeleton, he was not able to move himself so much as an inch.

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What's the difference between your momma and a bucket of shit? Well, for starters your mother and a bucket of shit aren't even made of the same physical structure, and secondly, your mother is sentient while a bucket is not.

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how do you drown a blonde in a kitty pool? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a corvette? I didn't get 20 years for owning a corvette.

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Q: Why is daddy wrestling mommy? A: Well Jimmy, that is called sexual intercourse. That is how you were created, and many people of all ages engage in this activity every second.

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One day an irishman walked into a bar. he started to show off his accent when a nicely dressed lady said to him, "are you from ireland?". "AYE" said the irshman. " what part of ireland are you from?" drunk, the irishman replied "uh downtown" then the woman said, " did you come here alone?" then he replied"no i didn't come here a'lone.....DONKEY!!!"

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whats worse than one bee sting? two bee stings whats worse than two bee stings? the halocaust whats worse than the halocaust? three bee stings

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DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW. Via: Pingzic collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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How do you know if a girl is special? If she hates justin bieber, Twilight, and is open to threeways.

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Q: how many babies does it take to paint a house red? A: It Depends on how hard you throw them

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What do you get when you cross two things that are seemingly unrelated? A play on words.

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Whats long hard and full of semen? A dick.

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-"Hey! You guys wanna hear a joke" -"What?" -"Womens Rights"

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Why do things made by Glen taste so good? Because he has mastered the cream

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What do you call a child that has been stabbed? A dead child

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What kind of coffee did they drink on the Titanic? They didn't. They all died.

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How did the mexican cross the border? He went through border patroll, and then later became a legal citizen of North America

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Wow! I've seen this joke before!

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what did the chickpea say to the raison when he got called big but? Atleast i dont have a stick up my but.

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What did Tiger Woods do when he saw a woman taking her shirt off? He looked the other way so he could make his birdie putt

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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