How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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Under Chuck Norris' beard, there is a chin.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is a serial rapist and has been harrassing six for months.

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Little Johnny walked into class one day. The teacher announced their would be a pop-quiz on the declaration of independence. Johnny passed. (ic3)

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What's blue and rhymes purple? Get Out

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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I have a really funny joke.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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Two men fought over a bag of peanuts. The peanuts won.

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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Q: What's blue and smells like grass? A: Blue grass.

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johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

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What's the oppicite of brown???? Something not brown.

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What do you get when you throw a white hat in the red sea? A wet hat.

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A man walks into a movie theater.and attempts to parate a film. He is then caught by employees of the theater and now faces fines and possible jail time for his actions.

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What do polar bears have that no other animal has? Polar bear babies.

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There were 3 men on a rough each granted one wish to make. The first guy sees a bird and runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a bird and he flies away. The second guy sees a butterfly so he too runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a butterfly and flies away. The third guy telling himself those were all stupid wishes, makes up his mind what he is going to wish for so he runs to the ledge and just after he says "I wish to be" he trips on the ledge and says, "shit!" So his wish was granted and shit he became. The End.

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Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

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Q: What is usually black , is a rectangle and has two circles? A: An i pod touch 4

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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