Why the moron throw the clock out the window? Because he was a moron.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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Johny wanted a pogo stick for his birthday. Johny's mom got him a pogo stick for his birthday. The day of Johny's birthday, he fell off the pogo stick and broke his arm.

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What does a penguin and a watermelon have in common? They all come from Earth.

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What did the cat say to the dog before chasing each other You have a nice looking ass

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if you are reading this your wasting your time

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

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why did the bear fall out of the tree? He died. Why did the raccoon fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the bear.

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What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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What do a goat and an eagle have in common? They both can fly, except for the goat.

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A black man walks down a high street and sees a white woman approaching. He bids her good day and they carry on their respective journeys. He then turns around and follows the white woman and rapes her in a dark alleyway, because as we all know, all black men are rapists.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! No one... pineapples float.

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What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

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Q: How do you count the population of Mexico? A: Take a census.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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