- Anti Joke

What is the difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney? One is President, the other is not.

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a schizophrenic And so am I

Tina: Mom, would you love me if I was straight Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was gay Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was Bi Mom: No Tina: Why not Mom: Because that's selfish!

what is my catphrase nothing I am too good to have one

Q: why does the man like men? A: because he is gay

What's a Mexican's favorite sport? It depends on the person. To generalize and select one sport to represent the entire race would be stereotyping.

A woman walked into a bar. She dragged her drunk husband off his stool and left.

Why couldn't Horton hear a who? He was a loaf of bread.

Friends are a lot like trees I just thought you should know.

I liked your first album but I feel that it went downhill from there. There are a few good songs on your third album though.

Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive? Because she was a woman.

Why didn't the skeleton go to his party? Because he used to be alive and was burned to death by an overturned truck carrying chemical's so his family canceled the party to organise the funeral.

there once was a chicken it was yellow

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

PS: YOU FUCKING PATHETIC ASSHOLES! DIE IN PAIN GUILT AND SHAME! YOU AND ALL OF THOSE THAT MOCKED ME FOR WANTING TO CREATE WHAT HAS FINALLY BEEN CREATED! (Special thanks to those that gave me a thousand thumbs down and such, I mean at first it was kinda degrading but fun since I posted bullshit on purpose, back when I returned from time to time to see if I had any thumbs ups, then I began enjoying red thumbs as I began expressing my dreams and gathering one follower for every human being that would mock me... ...Today? Today I type whatever the fuck I want, and could not care less for what you fucking humans think about me) Moral: I am superior to you all, and if you disagree with my opinion, you can at least respect it, I on the other hand, have no reason to respect your opinion... YOUR INFERIOR OPINION! If I am a human, then you are worth less than insects... But after being called Satan by my own mother, and called the anti-christ by so many people... ...Yeah, I guess you got to me, I am a fucking Demon, and the opposite of what your Gods offer, is our paradise. There I am gone (I have not returned as I never left) You wont ever hear about the most useless invention again...) Pss: Thanks, I mean it, thanks for nothing... What? You really thought I was grateful? You are nothing but humans, I have nothing for you... I have made more than enough people aware in this world, enough to create a world of my own, which is officially in existence. Ungrateful? Maybe I will one day hunt you humans, beat the shit out of you, torture you mentally, and then have you thank me for enduring all the shit you went trough, ill do it for the prize of your left arm, that is what it cost me, and just like me, you will be tortured by your mother and and father, with the option to take your life ALL of the time. Ironically the blood-loss when my mother cut of my arm was nothing, I mean it was the wounds she caused me by beating me up with it that nearly killed me... And compared to what she and my father did to me, losing that arm was trivial, something I look back at and laugh... Today nothing can break me, nobody can hurt me, and I got nothing to thank but ME! Followers of Neronism: As arrogant as it might sound, sure we made this world of ours together, but if hell if I suffered more than you just to stay alive, and make it happen. I am actually 32 and got about six years left to live because doctors misdiagnosed my diabetes and nearly destroyed the old ticker... ...But yeah, my dream is complete, and if there is a hell, eternal agony by flames is mere humor compared to being tortured until near death only to be left alone until I recover so your own parents can continue... Rinse and repeat, it is harder to live as a one handed guy with in chronic pain everywhere (parents you know...) than one might think, id never take my life, but if the reaper finds me in six years, I wont fight it. With that said Neronists, I will lead you on for what time I got, and have decided to appoint "Eliza" as my successor, and if Neronism one day turns into a bloodthirsty cult, rather than the anti-religious order it is today... ...Then fuck it all, then there was but only one being capable of this... And then I am, was, and will forever be... You know... Someone that had every reason to consider humans disgusting. I also used this section to share my fucked up childhood... In four years I will not only reveal the location of my empire, but also welcome anyone to see what they think of it and perhaps join in... But for now I am done, life is too short for this shit. Nero is done with horsehead network... For now, I do as I please, unless you are one of mine you do not matter, and if you are one of mine, the hell do you mind about me returning from time to time? I am not here to wake up the few followers I found here anymore, my empire is off limits... ...People have asked me why they have not found it, if its on the moon or something... ...I tell them to go fuck themselves, my dream is alive, and I am soon dead, who the hell gives a damn.

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

im passing this on from a friend: 2 blondes walk into a building, you think one woulda saw it,

Hey, wanna here a dirty joke? A pig fell in mud.

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Shaman walk into a bar. The Bartender looks at them and says "What is this a Joke?"

why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got run over

First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

Wanna hear a joke? It's here somewhere You looked :D There ain't jokes on Antijoke.com

What do you get when a man farts then a giraffe digests the gas and then poops into the mouth of a rabid baby raccoon? A raisin coated in corn flakes with digestive fluid sauce.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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