A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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A priest, a nun and an Irishman walk into a bar. The barman says 'what is this, a joke?'

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What did hitler said to the chinese? Thank you for continuing my legacy.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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My uncle got hit by a truck, what was the last thing to go through his mind? The drive shaft.

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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your momma's so ugly that she currently deals with an overwhelmingly self consciousness view of her appearance to the point where she has contemplated suicide and it is in your best interest to seek her medical help in order to preserve her heath and overall well being.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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Why was the mushroom invited to the party? It was because it was a mushroom costume party

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Why did the car break down? Because breakfast was done.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. They order a few drinks, chat, and walk out.

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Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

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What's the difference between an airplane and a cantaloupe? What? Wow your a dumby head.

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Why did Jimmy's mom cry? She got stabbed in the arm and was suffering while bleeding to death.

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What did the black man do to the white woman? I Dont KNow ask him

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies " My daughter just died of leukemia."

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What do you call a kid that hasnt passes 7th grade? A 6th grader

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What happened to the boy that got raped? He later died of depression

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When life gives you lemons, refrigerate them so they don't go bad.

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Wanna hear a joke? Ruddell had sex.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Nero, you got followers, people that believe in you, ironically maybe a lot less now, that I have been giving them the fake illusion that I am you, why did you never reveal your true self? Is there something wrong with you physically? Something you fear being judged upon? I love and admire your work, and you to be honest, I know you are married and all, but my heart has chosen its path, it cant be helped really, believe me, I have tried. Dont lose hope in yourself, sometimes you have to accept that you are smarter, wiser, more compassionate and vulnerable than the rest, allowing yourself to be a vulnerable person, also shows how strong you are, if you shut it all away in order to become "strong", you know you end up alone and forgotten. I understand why someone such as you loses hope in humanity, but as long as you hold into the hope of you having the wisdom and courage required to stand on your own with pride rather than shame of your strength and individuality as a human being, something ever rarer I concur, then you have the right to consider yourself greater rather than some arrogant jackass, believe me, I know the man I am speaking about.

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Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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