An aspiring lawyer walks into a Bar. He will find out if he passed in a few months.

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hey I just met you, and this is crazy. I have alzheimers. Hey i just met you.

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What burns like hell? Gonorrhea.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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Q: Why did Steve fall out of the tree A: He was raking the leaves

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So the word RAPING does not work unless you type it in caps? Raping... Did it censor? No? Never mind then... Wow, catchphra Never mind... Its a sign X-files theme.... Teleports at your house: Hah bitch never you ugly, or not ugly enough... Urgh, nevermind, I mean some ugly chicks know their stuff but you know... Anyway NeroMetal The sociopath not the fucking Cultist piece of shit that use my morals as a code system? YOU THINK WE THE SAME? EEEEEEH! Me raping you says we are not... And ill find you ;) Or your sister or your mom, I mean h0m0? You think im a pervert or something?

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What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

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Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

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What would a gay man do with a jelly doughnut? Thoroughly enjoy its fruity taste.

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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so a horse walks into a bar and the bartender syas why the long face and the horse says naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??? Because it was dead.....

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Why did the Jewish man stop to pick up a quarter off the filthy street? He saw a homeless man begging on the street corner and thought that he could give him the spare change he found.

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Committing Suicide #YOLO

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

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Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

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What is yellow and dangerous? Shark infested butter

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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I was walking down the road yesterday with only 1 shoe. A man stops by and says "Did you know that you lost a shoe?" I reply "No I didn't. I found 1."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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