How do you make a dog drink? Put one in a blender.

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

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Why do Jews fast for Yom Kippur? It's part of their tradition.

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? It entered a KFC and had the unfortunate suprise of having its head cut off.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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A farmer accidentally trips his wife. She falls down the stairs and the farmer is quickly arrested for murder.

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Knock Knock! Who's There! That's right! And now for our next song: "Magic Bus!" One TwoThree Four.....

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What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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If life gives you melons. You may be dyslexic.

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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

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A bar walks into Chuck Norris.

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What's better than your first Hanukkah? Not being a Jew.

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How do you make a person cry? You bury them alive.

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops