Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

one day a bear was eating for winter he ate about half what he had to and said "Im tired ill take a nap and eat the rest later. one month later he died of starvation

thumb_up thumb_down -24

josh roberts makes nuns hang themselves

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Shaman walk into a bar. The Bartender looks at them and says "What is this a Joke?"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

There was 3 Men. Who had crashed their car on there way back from the Bar, All 3 of them died. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told him " The better in life you were with relationships,and staying true with one love- The better Transportation you get." Guy one got a Scooter. Guy two got a bike. And Guy 3 got a Mustang. One day, Guy 1 and 2 were on their bike and scooter. And they see Guy 3 upset. "Whats wrong? You got the best transporation in heaven!!" Guy 3 looks up at guy 1 and 2, Then says " I know I do..... But, I just seen my wife on a Skateboard."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it can.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you do when you see a half-dead black man on the floor? Call an ambulance before he bleeds out causing sepsis.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q) How many times did the woman jump off the cliff? A) Once she died.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Your mom is so fat that her Body Mass Index is 30,?which is considered obese, she should really try to lose some weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

YODO (unless you're religious background encourage you to believe in an afterlife of some sort, be it of animalia or homo sapien decent.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are red Violets are blue I would love you But you are too ugly and overweight

thumb_up thumb_down -24

So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If u read thus your awsome .... And if your a emo kid with rainbow hair and a 3 inch penis then NO your bad

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How do u kill a black man You don't or else u will get intouble for murder but u can if u want there r many ways

thumb_up thumb_down -24

whats the difference between this joke and other jokes other jokes have a punch line

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Girl 1- why was 6 afraid of 7? dog- ..................................(doesn't say anything because dogs can't ruff)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a poor man on the side of the rode asking for money? A poor man on the side of the rode asking for money.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what did the leprosy survivor get for christmas a amputation

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why were black people mad about slavery? Because they didn't get paid in gum! Holt9 ;P

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Your mother is so fat, she appeals to my secret fetish.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

knock knock who's there i am dead i am dead who i am just dead u idiot!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops