Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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Hey, what do you call an absent-minded person? I'm sorry what did you say?

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Wife: "I suggest you check properly next time you lose your keys so that you find them quicker" Husband: "I suggest that next time I sit down and have a beer while I wait for Doc Martin and his time machine to give my keys back.

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

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sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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How much weight can an ant carry up a mole hill? Ice cream has no bones.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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What is colored and looks good hanging from trees? Oranges. Get your mind out of the gutter!

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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what did the penguin use as a napkin? a napkin

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why did the boy eat his lunch money? it was his lunch!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have PTSD. Time to kill myself.

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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"Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke?!" -no, shut up.

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Got a card in the mail from my estranged uncle today. Yep.

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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What the flower say to the bird. Nothing

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Oh my god it's the twinkie mobile!

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A Blonde, a Jew, a Rooster, and a Mexican walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

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Mother Mary held her daughter 20 minutes under water. Not to save her from her troubles, just to see the funny bubbles

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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