A guy walks into a bar

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Why did the black guy die... Herpees he didn't practice safe sex

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(sniff) (sniff) It smells like gross diarrhea in here... (sniff) (sniff) ... Yeah it does

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When geese migrate, why is one side of the V longer than the other? There are more birds on that side.

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Why did Little Suzy get hit by a truck? Well the real question is, "Why was Little Suzy in the road," so why was she? Because she felt like it.

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A black man and a white women are having dinner at a fanncy resteraunt. The waitor asks "Who is the better tipper... I know and hands the check to the white women.

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Yo mama is so stupid that see should really be concerned with furthering her education in a four-year university

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Roses are red, Viiolets are blue, Get in the gas chamber, You dirty Jew.

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what is the difference between oral and anal? anal makes your day and anal makes your whole weak

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what do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheel barrow? Arrested as a wheelbarrow is not a motorised vehicle, or even a vehicle at all and therefore it is an offence to cross the motorway with it, actually it is probably an offence to cross a motorway with anything now that I come to think of it

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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How did the hairless cat brush its hair? It could not, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs, making it near impossible to do such a thing.

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So let's pretend two men that had been friends for a very long time, one man asks the other man how he is, so the man tells the other man how he is doing. Then that man asks the other man how he is doing. The two men were engaged in a very interesting conversation. What did the men do next? Nothing. We're pretending, remember?

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I really want to know something would all of you like to go on Suspension for 3 weeks? Mr Goodwin

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Why did the baby stop crying? I shot it with a 9mm pistol and put it in the microwave because it cried while I was watching Sienfeld.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

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a guy walks into another tall man knowing that he has something weird in his mouth. he pulls out a fly, apologizes for running into him and promptly walks to his small appartment to brush his teeth. the next day a fridge hits him in the face and he spontaneously combusts. he was never seen again.

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A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

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Why did single women didn't want any babies for? because of Ice Ice Baby.

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Why is Brendan stupid. Because he's mentally retarded due to the fact he was dropped as a chil.d

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How many gun shots does it take to kill you? 1..2... 3...4... Samantha reapeatedly kept shooting her enemy until she noticed that her enemy was Chuck Norris. So how many gunshots does it take to kill Chuck Norris? The world may never know.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? I don't know, you should check the zoo's surveillance camera.

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How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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