"Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave."

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Why can't a T-Rex masturbate? Because dinosaurs have been extinct nearly 65 million years, due to an asteroid collision with the Earth

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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Roses are rose, violets are violet, that's just a fact, I've got aspergers.

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Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

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How does a bird grow gills if you're riding a peanut. A fridge.

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I was lying in bed looking at the stars in the sky What did i think to myself? Were the heck is the ceiling???

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is a woman.

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What do you call a joke that isnt funny? This one.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Smoke Day, Every Weed.

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why did the black guy cross the street? to get to the package store.

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How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

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Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

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your mommas so fat she should be worried about getting diabetes

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why didn't the chicken cross the road?!

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why did suzie fall off the swing? because shes autistic and her mother likes to abuse her.

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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Why was timmy live on the streets? His parents didnt have the money to abort him!! HaHa

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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