Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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why did the boy drop his bus because he was hit by an ice cream

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roses are red grass is greener get in the bed and suck on my wiener

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Your Mom

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What happened to the dog that ate to much? It became obese.

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Mary- Hey Dallas, do you have a suitcase? Dallas- Yeah, why? Mary- I need a suitcase

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Why did the black man eat KFC? Because he got hungry.

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What sound does a dog make? WOOF What sound does a cat make? MEOW What sound does a giraffe make? ...

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How did Billy tip the cow? He didn't, cows are animals and that would be wrong.

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Have you ever seen a cowboy chasing boot?

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What's worse than eating half a worm? Eating somebody's brain.

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Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?

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What did the homeless kid get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

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What is funny about civil and women's rights? Nothing, they are very serious matters.

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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How do you drown a blonde? Force her head underwater until she can no longer breathe, thus shutting down her brain and killing her.

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Why did the chicken cross the dairy farm? Sex.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

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what has 4 legs but can't walk? a paralyzed dog

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What do you say to a black man driving a car? Taxi

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What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? I don't know considering it was never done before, and that the size of the pancake would have to be taken into account. Although I would suggest you use a better material like wood, plastic, or metal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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