Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and broke its head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be very mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

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why couldnt luke open the door? he had no arms

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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One time, as a dare, John was forced to eat 5 king size chocolate bars, 3 cakes, 8 Oreo Milkshakes, and 7 packages of Krispy Kreme Donuts. As a result, John has diabetes.

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How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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What did the black man in a white van get when he went over the speed limit? A speeding ticket

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Your Mama's so fat that the Doctor recommended a healthy eating diet, and to exercise daily.

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what do you call a black guy under water? A Scuba Diver

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a guy walks into a bar. he buys several drinks, ends up drunk, and crashes into a coffee shop with a goat in the backseat.

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What's worse than rotten eggs? Being dead.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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CNN has posted that the recent death of osama bin laden is comparable to decapitating a snake when really it is more akin to bisection of a worm.

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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Wanna know a secret? I didn't read or agree to the terms and services

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Why did Timmy miss school? He was killed in a tragic school bus accident

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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