whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so i can text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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An anti-joke

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what did the left eye say to the right eye? "eye" see you

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what is the difference between a blond and a red head? one is has blond hair and one has red hair

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Open up.

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I used to be an adventurer like you. But then I retired and started a family.

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What has eyes but can't see? Helen Keller. What has ears but can't hear? A field of corn.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don't hammer the watermon

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Why was girl happy on the day she found out she wasn't pregnant? -It was her birthday.

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charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

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A black man and a mexican jump of a building to see who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society.

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how do you get a nun pregnant? have unprotected SEX with her, resulting in expulsion from her convent

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How many Mexicans can you fit in a Smart car? None. It's too damn small!

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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

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why do elephants paint them selves green ..... to blend into snooker tables. have u ever seen an elephant on a snooker table .... thats just how good they are.

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What's the deal with airline food? Food tastes different on an airplane. The atmosphere dries out your nose, the air pressure numbs 1/3 of your taste buds, and low humidity levels give you cotton mouth. These factors cause the food to taste worse than it normally would.

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What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

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How do you post a Tasmanian devil? Recorded Delivery

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How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

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What's the difference between a chicken and a bartender? A chicken is a domesticated fowl, a subspecies of the red junglefowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other species of bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs. A bartender is a person who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar. also bar-tender ; 1836, American English,

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When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the world, He broke his foot because every human being that kicks such a solid structure would break their foot.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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