- Anti Joke

What is better than a Beer? Two Beers.

How many dyslexic people does it take to ruin Christmas? One, because they murdered you mother on your birthday.

How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LOVED AND NURTURED ME THROUGH MY CHILDHOOD YEARS? MY MOM.

Why couldn't the cat drink milk? It Didn't have a face.

Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators are whitWhen falling from trees, they kill you

Why did the fat guy ride his camel to the grocery store? Because he didn't want to walk to the grocery store

Why doesn't Lucinda have a penis? Because she's Mexican.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Names.

you see theres this guy.

wh did a man all of his bike? It was a wet and slippery day, he had a lack of control and concentration

What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

what did the pornography filmer say to the asain man as he was having sex? im taking a highly pixelated recording of you and your partner engaging in sexual intercourse

2 sheeps are outside having a great time One sheep walks up to the other sheep and says: hello The other sheep says: hello Now what I want to know: what ally do you get your drugs from

why did the cow cross the road because he wanted to go to the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove

Q:What's worse than watching the show Jersey Shore? A:Nothing.

How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

roses are red violet is blue why rik go to the hospital ? cause he eat glue.

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swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag swagswagswagswagswagswagswagswagswag

A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

Jim just got laid off at the office. He believes his life is going to hell, so he commits suicide. His wife then later was blamed for his death because they were having many arguments. She was sentenced to life and slowly rotted in prison for the rest of her life. Their children then are moved around from foster home to foster home and they grow up to be drug dealers.

Son: "Mommy That Boy Over There Beat Me Up" Mom: Good I Like When You Suffer

What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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