A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why does Greg steal? Because he is a thief He is also scouse!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What is grey and transparent? An elephant in a zip-lock bag.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A black man, a jew and a muslim walk into a bar. ... I forgot what happens next, so let's just say they have a good time and get back home safely.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

thumb_up thumb_down +28

a man touches girls butt ...... she sharts her pants

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Who is the most famous black person? Michael Jackson, except he's not black.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin? Finding one is missing.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, Jack sat on his candle, and burnt his ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the difference between a dead baby and my dinner??? Nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did Mary say to Vishnikharmut? You're name is weird. What did Vishnikharmut say to Mary? Your grammar is incorrect.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: What's worse than not having a good relationship? A: Starving Africans

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I'll have a chocolate milkshake, hold the onions.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops