A black man and a mexican jump of a building to see who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

how do you get a nun pregnant? have unprotected SEX with her, resulting in expulsion from her convent

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? I don't hammer the watermon

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the deal with airline food? Food tastes different on an airplane. The atmosphere dries out your nose, the air pressure numbs 1/3 of your taste buds, and low humidity levels give you cotton mouth. These factors cause the food to taste worse than it normally would.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you post a Tasmanian devil? Recorded Delivery

thumb_up thumb_down -30

why do elephants paint them selves green ..... to blend into snooker tables. have u ever seen an elephant on a snooker table .... thats just how good they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How hard is it to cross a man with a tree? Jesus only needed a few nails

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Michael Vick walks into a pet shop. He buys a puppy and cares for it lovingly

thumb_up thumb_down -30

- Knock knock - Who's there - James - James who ? - James Redwood.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What would Walt Disney do if he were alive today? Gurgle and choke inside his cryogenic vault as liquid nitrogen flooded into his lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock Knock Who is there? *bang* The following story depicts the life and death of Bob:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________then he opened the door and was shot in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did little John do when he was bored? He went on Anti-Joke

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? Heehaw!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the woman say to the dog? Stop shitting on my carpet your dickhole

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the world, He broke his foot because every human being that kicks such a solid structure would break their foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the difference between a chicken and a bartender? A chicken is a domesticated fowl, a subspecies of the red junglefowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other species of bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs. A bartender is a person who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar. also bar-tender ; 1836, American English,

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Let them think that you are insane, vulnerable, and they wont bother leaking a lot of shit about you, this "shit info" will remain inaccurate and reveal weaknesses where there is none. I had to draw them away from you, but as soon as he began selling Intel regarding my missing eye, I figure our "not so friends in the unknown" would have eventually begun searching for "The one eyed man" among you. And had they not found one, they might just as likely made it seem as if there was one for the money. None of the thugs sent to attack me nor the "Nero decoys" where professionals, but those behind them sure are, considering that they paid these thugs more than what I make during a year. Gotta go pretty girl, hope we meet again in not so long. Moral: This is all a joke, get over it, Moral has left forever, mission complete.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops