Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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Q. What did the dead man do after he died? A. Nothing. He's dead.

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Whats the best way to tell if your wife has been cheating on you with the UPS guy? simply ask her, trust and communication in relationships are vital in their survival and growth.

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What's worst than losing a million dollars? Losing a plane. Whats worst than losing a plane? losing 239 people, a plane and a million dollars

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

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Yo mama so ugly, she has to work harder than most women to attract men.

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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A man told another,"You suck." The insulted man finished the sentence,"On juice boxes."

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What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

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What did the pirate say to the ninja? I have aids.

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What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? He pulls over and replaces it.

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the lesbian's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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A black guy, a mexican, and an arab are all in the same car, Whos driving the car? The black guy because he politely offered and his friends were happy to ride with him.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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a pope and a catholic priest walk into a bar... the priest orders... then the pope says to the bartender "I'll have what hes having." so the bartender takes out a small child and says ...."are you sure?"

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Why did Timmy mow the lawn? He didn't particularly like the way it looked Why did Timmy fall down the well? He is retarded and thirsty How did Timmy die? He had stage three lung cancer Why cant Timmy drive a car? He has been dead for three years

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops